I have really struggled in feeling like I have failed Noam is so many ways.... There are so many things that I have promised myself I would do for him. I simply do not have the time to do them. Being a mother of three young children I have spent the last few months realising that in order for Noam to be successful our family needs to be successful.
It is true that everything we learnt in Israel was life changing. I gained a wealth of knowledge and understanding into the mind of my son. I came home understanding to some degree how to break down his frustrations and make the world a clearer place for him to explore develop and succeed in... Unfortunately all this doesn't give me a 'get out of jail' card. the therapy is ongoing the struggles and challenges evolve as fast as i can type...
Noam has grown so much in the past year.... His language had developed thanks to an amazing speech therapist. His concentration, compliance and general wellbeing has reached levels we never knew possible thanks to his fabulous OT and various natural therapists. But most of all thanks to Noam.
School has been a whirlwind of emotions. I never realised how hard the mainstream road would be. As I often walk through the school to pick up Noam I still feel a small sense of heart ace that comes with having a child with special needs in a mainstream school. But as I enter the class room to be shown his work book where Noam begins to read to me. Yes, READ TO ME! I forget the heart ace and am blow over with pride.
I wish the world would see Noam the way I did. Sometimes I feel like I underestimate him, judge him and loose faith in him. If I am being honest with myself I think these feelings stem from other peoples perceptions, ones which horrifically influence me for a flicker of a moment. We all have a lot to learn.
Someone asked me this week why I chose to put Noam in a mainstream school. Someone once said to me ' why a mainstream school? We have such a hard time helping our children with acceptance and belonging in an environment where they are more than often NOT. Why don't you just put him in a special school where he doesn't feel different'?'
This is the look I get on his face EVERY DAY when I pick him up from mainstream school. He is slowly making friends (he has two buddies) He is developing speech rapidly. He is learning to read and write. He may be doing things a little slower than others, some things a little faster than others. He is doing them and he is HAPPY!
Hi Limor,
ReplyDeletei think this is beautiful, very touching and definitely expressing some universal mother truths...
We all feel guilty all the time about not doing enough for our children, husbands, families and friends. You are certainly not alone there!
Also, just wanted to tell you I'm so glad that you decided to send Noam to a mainstream school and i really look forward to hearing about his progress. I totally don't see the point in sending him anywhere else - he could just as easily feel "different" in a special school, no? Personally, i hope Lior has children with special needs in his class and school so that he learns how to make friends with all kinds of kids, learns how to help others and learns that he can learn stuff from them too. To be honest, i would also judge the school according to how they manage kids with special needs and hope they are able to cater for all.
so, that's my mini-rant for this evening. hope you don't mind, it's really obviously none of my business anyway and my opinion definitely doesn't matter but i thought i'd put in my two cents' worth anyway...
There's a very special paediatrician who i wish was not retired because i think he would have been perfect for you and Noam - Philip Graves, do you know him? Any paed who has worked under him at Monash may also share his world view, eg Gideon Pinczover comes to mind... just in case you're still looking. Also, just remember that Noam will always develop and progress and grow as a person, just like other children but at a different pace. The different therapies are there to help a bit but, like you said, most of the development is just Noam growing up. Oh, and last thing, don't forget to look after yourself :-) Talia x
Talia that was beautiful!!! everyones opinions are worthy and mean something to me. Tanks heaps for sharing. As far as paeds go, we have one at the moment who we are happy with for what we need for now! (a few little medical issues )... I will defiantly keep these names because you never know when you may need someone! Your track record in referrals have been life saving!!!
ReplyDeleteI used to get upset when people would say they think its great that children with special needs are in mainstream schools so their children can learn from them! I felt like why should they 'learn' from my child? why can't my child just be their friend like any other child? I guess the answer i have come up with is, EVERY child has something to teach another... Noam will teach so many and so many will teach Noam! To me it now sounds like a WIN WIN situation... xxx